Sheriff's Calls

Posted 8/10/22

Sheriff’s Calls is intended as a humorous take on some of the incident call records of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office for the mountain communities. Names and identifying details have been changed. All individuals are innocent until proven guilty. 

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Sheriff's Calls

Posted

BMOC

CONIFER – She thought him a curious spectacle to see so early in the morning, he being “300 pounds” and having “paint on his pants.” More curious, she thought, was how he got through her code-controlled gate and why he was taking photographs of her property. She was still chewing on those ponderables when the fellow casually climbed into his pickup truck and drove away. When chewing alone failed to satisfy, she called JCSO to file an incident report. It might have been nothing, she told deputies, but it might have been something and she wanted an official record made. Officers made an official record now on file.

A ripping yarn

CONIFER – The complainant said he would have accused his neighbor of assault sooner, only his neighbor “threw my phone” and it took him a while to find it. According to Complainant’s statement, he’d been working in the yard on the evening of July 16 when Neighbor’s dog got loose and strayed onto his property. Complainant immediately demanded that Neighbor retrieve the animal, which led to hard words on both sides, which ended when Neighbor “tackled” Complainant to the ground, “ripped my shirt off my body,” and, of course, “threw my phone.” Serious charges call for solid evidence, and the deputy asked to examine the aforementioned shirt, which appeared in all respects clean and pristine. Since Neighbor’s subsequent statement portrayed Complainant as the antagonist, deputies declined to bring charges and suggested the men each leave the other be.

Off-road misadventure

DEER CREEK CANYON – It was back-to-back beefing. At about noon on July 13, Trailmaster called JCSO dispatch to report that Avenger had deliberately rammed his UTV with his own UTV and then left the scene of that heinous crime. Moments later, Avenger dialed 911 to report being unwillingly “involved” in a UTV-related dust-up brought about by Trailmaster wantonly “blocking the driveway.” Deputies sent to sort out the situation learned that Trailmaster had parked his UTV on the roadway and was “trying to install a gate” on the driveway when Avenger roared up in his own UTV demanding that Trailmaster immediately de-obstruct both road and drive. Trailmaster told deputies he was quickly and courteously moving his UTV when Avenger, presumably gripped by unreasoning rage, rammed his vehicle and sped away. Avenger told deputies that Trailmaster didn’t try to move anything, but “just stood there” until Avenger had no choice but to carefully ease his UTV past Trailmaster’sbuggy, accidentally tearing some of its “netting” along the way. Avenger didn’t want to press charges, and he said he’d be willing to pay to replace Trailmaster’s damaged netting. Trailmaster wanted Avenger charged “to the full extent of the law,” and he wanted a detailed report on file with JCSO “in case I’m found dead.” Officers wanted more evidence that an actual crime had been committed, but they didn’t get it.

Out for a spin

EVERGREEN – The supermarket employee called JCSO to report possible gun-slinging. According to his statement, he’d just come on shift when he noticed a turquoise Subaru Legacy enter the parking lot carrying three males and one female. As the youthful posse sat in the parked vehicle, the grocer observed one of the foursome “twirling” what he thought to be a pistol, which he thought to be some sort of crime. Nobody got out of the car, and after about 20 minutes it drove away without incident. Deputies were unable to locate the eye-catching pastel wagon, and neither of the two license plate numbers provided by the complainant was valid. 

Sheriff’s Calls is intended as a humorous take on some of the incident call records of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office for the mountain communities. Names and identifying details have been changed. All individuals are innocent until proven guilty. 

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