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Sheriff's Calls

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The incredible sulk
EL RANCHO — On Aug. 16, the employee told the historic restaurant’s owner that he needed to “comp” a bunch of meals. The owner said the employee should have pre-approved the freebies. After arguing about it for a while, the owner told the employee to go home and they’d hash it out together on Aug. 17. Instead of hashing it out, however, on Aug. 17 the owner found the employee’s till significantly short on funds and asked the employee about the missing money. By way of explanation, the employee launched a dynamic “screaming” tour of the dining room, stormed behind the bar and ripped open his shirt a la Bruce Banner, and insisted that he and the owner should “go outside and settle this.” The owner suggested an alternative course of action in which the employee would go outside and stay there forever. The employee said he wasn’t leaving without his day’s wages. The owner said he’d give the cash to the employee’s girlfriend at the end of the night. After the employee stalked out, the owner called JCSO to formally report the employee as banished from the premises. Officers left messages on the employee’s phone and with his girlfriend warning him to stay away or get put away.

Too close for comfort
EVERGREEN — The troubled South Bermuda Dunes resident felt a line had been crossed. Sometime during the early-morning hours of Aug. 15, persons unknown had with malice aforethought treated his private property like a bus station men’s room. He could live with the sanitary tissue festooning the trees in his yard, but he thought that draping it across the woodpile on his back deck was hitting below the belt, and carefully wrapping it around the deck railing pickets was simply beyond the pale. They’d struck just a little too close to home, as it were, and he wanted the incident documented against future two-ply attacks.

Final disrespects
SOUTH TURKEY CREEK — Even as their dearly departed was being solemnly committed to eternity within a cold marble crypt on the afternoon of Aug. 17, cranky kin collected outside the mountaintop mausoleum were confounding the occasion’s quietude with thundering threats and opprobrious profanities. Although the funeral director didn’t know the basic beef between the battling bereaved, he wasn’t about to let a half-dozen unruly relations ruin the rite for the rest, and asked JCSO to restrain the heirs-aberrant. Fortunately, the feuding families fled before deputies arrived, and tranquility had returned to those high hallows. Because the only thing injured in the incident was decorum, the deceased — and their dysfunctional descendants — were allowed to rest in peace.

Pail rider

PINE — On the evening of Aug. 17, an Iroquois Trail woman called JCSO to report the illegal appropriation of equestrian accoutrements. Two days before, she told deputies, somebody rode off with three blue 18-gallon horse water buckets, three 5-gallon buckets, and three rope halters. Although she couldn’t prove it, the complainant believed the items were taken by a certain neighbor who’d once worked for her but had been fired about a year ago. Officers took a report, arranged for an extra patrol, and advised that surveillance cameras could discourage future problems. The complainant said the cameras had arrived in the mail that morning and would be on the job before high noon tomorrow.