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Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime

Hang on loosely, but don’t let go

BROOK FOREST — Wm. Cody phoned JCSO to report that his current sweetheart and houseguest, Calamity Jane, was “out of control” and busting up the bunkhouse. As deputies soon learned, Jane was preparing to hit the dusty trail because she found “living conditions” at the Cody ranch “unsatisfactory, in my opinion.” On the night of Dec. 22, they were both eating their pork and beans on the couch in the living room when an argument broke out as big as all Texas. A consummate gesticulator, Jane had been augmenting her gestures with a “grip strengthener,” and in performing a particularly emphatic “shush” motion, she’d “inadvertently released” the muscle-building mechanism from her hand directly into Cody’s front window, breaking the pane like a yearling colt. In the dust-up that followed, Jane told officers, Cody had “bear-hugged” her. He had bear-hugged her, Cody told officers, because Jane had been howling around the place like an Amarillo sandstorm, and he was afraid she might bring his cabin down around their ears. After hearing both sides, deputies determined that no crime had been committed, but advised Jane to bunk elsewhere for the evening and come back for her saddle and buckskins in the morning.

 

Crocked and contrary

EVERGREEN — It was straight-up midnight on Dec. 23 when deputies were asked to calm a conjugal clash occurring on the banks of Cub Creek. According to Sleepless Neighbor, Boyfriend and Girlfriend were at it again, “drunk and throwing things at each other.” Girlfriend told deputies that Boyfriend isn’t a violent fellow, but he does tend to become argumentative when he’s been drinking, and he’d been building up a head of steam since 5 o’clock. Boyfriend said he just wanted to sleep it off at home, and if the officers left him be he’d remain quiet as a mouse all the night long, and be right as rain by morning’s light. Officers agreed to those conditions and departed at 12:33. Sleepless Neighbor called at 12:34 to report Boyfriend screamingly denouncing Girlfriend as a “whore” who “would have nothing without him.” Officers invited Boyfriend to vent his boiler down at detox. Sleepless Neighbor hit the sack.

 

JCSO Waste Management Systems Inc.

EVERGREEN — A stout wind was blowing on Dec. 20 when the Interlocken Drive resident asked JSCO deputies to witness the “assortment of debris” he’d discovered in his mailbox. Officers dutifully examined the sapless selection of scraps and declared it utterly unsuspicious. At the complainant’s request, deputies took the fly-blown fragments into custody and disposed of them down at the precinct.


An open and shut case

EVERGREEN — Engaged in his nightly rounds on Dec. 23, the coffee-fueled paper delivery driver noticed a lot of open mailboxes on Ruby Ranch Road and informed JCSO of his discovery. Deputies noted no tire tracks in the fresh snow other than those left by the paperman, and deduced from the snow accumulated on the open mailbox doors that they’d been standing agape for several hours at least. Deputies also located open mailboxes on Broken Arrow Road, Valley Road, Pine Crest Drive and Linda Lane, many of them with apparently unmolested mail still inside. Although unable to determine if a crime had been committed, officers nevertheless requested a neighborhood-wide alert asking residents to report any postal peculiarities.

 

… Another man’s treasure

INDIAN HILLS — According to Aztec Road, on the afternoon of Dec. 17 his sturdy, black, 100-gallon trash can had been stuffed to the brim and sitting in his carport awaiting scheduled service on Dec. 19. On the evening of Dec. 18, when he moved to wheel the week’s worth of waste to the curb, both can and contents were gone. While he didn’t especially miss the hundred gallons of banana peels, coffee grounds and junk mail, he wasn’t happy to learn that his trash haulers were going to charge him to replace the barrel. With no evidence, or even theories, about who might be behind the trash-napping, deputies asked Aztec Road to keep his eyes open and closed the lid on the case.