Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime

Traffic noise

EVERGREEN — On the otherwise quiet afternoon of Oct. 15, deputies manning the mountain precinct didn’t have to go looking for trouble. Just shy of 4 o’clock, a pair of pickup trucks screamed into the substation parking lot. The two drivers jumped from their vehicles and started screaming at each other. When officers tried to figure out what their major malfunction was, they screamed at the officers. Just then a woman screamed onto the scene in a third vehicle and started screaming on her own account. After imposing something like order on the situation, deputies were able to establish that a totally minor and utterly benign traffic snafu on Highway 73 near Valley Hi Ranch lay behind all the screaming. It was also clear to them that the complete and objective facts of the case would never be known. In the nicest way possible, officers told the screeching threesome to shut up, buckle up, and get lost before they got locked up. Peace returned to the precinct.


A pointed exchange

KITTREDGE — It wasn’t the kind of call you like to get at 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning — an agitated woman was threatening people with a knife. Deputies located Tizzie at home in a somewhat calmer state and asked her to explain all the cutlery and commotion. Tizzie said her neighbor, Tearful, had called her up in the middle of the night to cry about her boyfriend, Fearful. Leaping to the conclusion that Tearful was in mortal danger from Fearful, she next leapt into action. “I was going to bring my gun,” Tizzie told officers, “but decided to just bring the knife.” Racing to Tearful’s house, Tizzie had stormed into the back bedroom where Fearful lay sleeping and began howling at him, standing over his reclining form with the knife’s blade poised just 2 inches from his startled face. Fearing for her boyfriend’s very life, Tearful had thrown herself between Tizzy and Fearful, remaining there for the several minutes it required to coax Tizzy out of the house. For her part, Tearful assured officers that she’d never been in any danger from her boyfriend, but thought she might well have been in grave danger from her self-appointed rescuer. Deputies booked Tizzy into the Jeffco jail on menacing charges.


A just-OK Samaritan

CONIFER — The Main Street grocery store manager just wanted to do the right thing. According to her report to JCSO, a young fellow had approached her at the customer service desk on the night of Oct. 15 brandishing a wad of cash and a Powerball ticket. He said he’d found the little trove sitting on the ground just outside the grocery’s east entrance door and was doing the right thing by turning them in. He further instructed the manager that she would be doing the right thing by holding those articles for 24 hours and then — assuming they went unclaimed — turning them back over to him. She expressed reservations about the rightness of his plan but took the cache for safekeeping. The next day a young woman called to say that the night before she’d lost a wad of cash and a Powerball ticket just outside the grocery’s east entrance door and the manager should rightly let her come by and retrieve them. Thing was, it sounded to the manager very much like there was a young man standing right next to the young lady, and that he was coaching her to say the right thing. Not feeling it right to either give the loot away or to keep it indefinitely, the manager asked JCSO to assume its guardianship. An obliging deputy booked the goods into the Mountain Substation evidence vault.