Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime

Where there’s smoke …

CONIFER — Cheech and Chong were partners in the, um, herbal medicine business. The partners had a falling out, and Cheech resolved to move out of their Circle Drive, er, production facility. Trouble was, Chong wouldn’t let Cheech remove any of his expensive, uh, agricultural paraphernalia from the premises. Cheech called JCSO for help. Deputies spoke to Chong, who insisted that, as of Oct. 1, Cheech was no longer a legal tenant of the property and wasn’t allowed to come inside to pick up his equipment, or for any other reason. Deputies told Chong that, as of about 10 minutes ago, they had it from the property management company that Cheech’s name was still on the lease and he could come and go as he pleased. Chong graciously agreed to permit Cheech onto the premises, provided somebody from the management company stood by to make sure he didn’t remove anything that didn’t belong to him. Cheech agreed to Chong’s condition, and the deputies were free to conduct other business for an entire hour before being summoned back to the farm. Chong was still making noise about Cheech not being a legal tenant, and was still preventing Cheech from harvesting his belongings. Happily, a representative of the management company showed up just then to affirm Cheech’s right to enter the property, and to monitor the removal of his, um, medical apparatus. The case went up in smoke.


It’s a tough business

SOUTH TURKEY CREEK — Eddie Employee showed up at the job site bright and early on Oct. 3. Corey Coworker showed up a few minutes later and immediately demanded that Eddie move his car. Eddie said he doesn’t take orders from Corey and his car wasn’t going anywhere. Corey said Eddie could either move his car or find a new last name. Eddie said that Corey “doesn’t sign my paychecks” and didn’t have the authority to fire him. Corey stalked away muttering something very much like “Yuck! Flu!” Eddie wanted to know why Corey didn’t say that to his face. Corey instantly stalked back and obliged, only with considerably more emphasis. Afraid that Corey was about to take a swing at him, Eddie took a swing at Corey and missed. Corey responded by taking a swing at Eddie and not missing. A general scuffle ensued, following which Eddie called JCSO and asked if a deputy would mind coming around to “keep the peace” on the job site while he “continued his work.” A deputy came around to say he would very much mind baby-sitting two grown men, but wouldn’t at all mind writing up matching assault citations if they both didn’t put a lid on it. Eddie and Corey promised to contain their mutual loathing.


Voice mail

PINE — Otto thought it was pretty suspicious that, of more than two dozen mailboxes lined up by the roadside, his was the only one that got whacked. Otto told deputies that postal authorities had issued a neighborhood bulletin the week before warning of mailbox vandalism in the area, and he believed that certain malicious persons had exploited that public service announcement as cover to attack him personally. Of suspects, Otto named three neighbors with whom he’s recently been at odds, as well as pretty much everybody who works for him. He was also convinced that the row of mailboxes was bugged. “Hi (Snoopy)!” he said, in the deputy’s presence. “I know you’re listening!” Otto couldn’t prove anything, but he wanted the incident — and his suspicions — documented. The officer documented them.