Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


Water you gonna’ do?

EVERGREEN — It was a wet and wild evening on Oxbow Road when Downstairs called JCSO to complain that Upstairs was deliberately flooding his residence. Earlier in the day, Downstairs told deputies, he’d called Jeffco Animal Control to report Upstairs for being a poor custodian of his three dogs. No sooner had Animal Control concluded its investigation and departed than Upstairs showed up at Downstairs’ door demanding satisfaction. Downstairs declined to settle their differences with fists, prompting Upstairs to announce, “I’m going to flood you out,” and then attempt to make good on the threat. Downstairs said Upstairs had been running water for at least two hours, and showed officers a small puddle of water on his kitchen counter and a sopping kitchen curtain as evidence of intentional inundation. Deputies next spoke with Upstairs, who admitted giving Downstairs a verbal hosing down but denied trying to spark a brawl. If the officers wanted to know how Downstairs’ kitchen got wet, said Upstairs, they should talk to their mutual landlord about being a poor custodian of the property. With no proof to support his saturation allegations, deputies suggested that Downstairs have building management peruse the pipes.

Squawking it out

EVERGREEN — Stagecoach Boulevard residents phoned JCSO on the morning of Aug. 31 to report an unholy ruckus going on next door. A woman, they said, was screaming at someone, demanding that they leave. Responding quickly, deputies spoke with Man and Wife, who assured them all was well — a little family financial discussion had simply gotten out of hand. Still, as long as she had deputies handy, Wife suggested to officers that she wouldn’t mind it if they encouraged Man to make himself scarce for a few hours — or a few dozen — on account of he’d been “pushing my buttons” all morning. Man told officers not to bother, leapt into his car and took a powder.


Wednesday Morning Special

CONIFER — About 10:30 on the morning of Aug. 28, a customer availing herself of the sanitary facilities at a Conifer Road diner made a most unpleasant discovery. No, no, nothing like that. It was just a handgun, specifically a .357 revolver with five live rounds in the cylinder. She reported the sinister surprise to the owner, who tipped off JCSO, who sent a deputy around to take charge of the problematic peashooter. The officer traced the gun’s rightful owner to an address in Parker, and called him so see if he wanted it back. He did, explaining that he’d stopped for a bite at the eatery earlier that morning and, for reasons not made entirely clear, left the properly licensed and registered firearm in the ladies bathroom. The deputy met the absent-minded shootist in the Kohl’s parking lot at Kipling and C-470 and returned his roscoe.


Dubious dog discoverer documented

DOUBLEHEADER — Six years ago in late summer, the man told deputies, his Australian shepherd unaccountably disappeared from his yard. Nearly a month later, a fellow called to say he’d found the animal and asked Doubleheader to come retrieve it from his Homestead Drive homestead. At the time, Doubleheader suspected that Homestead had, in fact, stolen the dog, but upon realizing it was both old and in poor health decided to return it for a possible reward. Unable to prove his suspicions, Doubleheader dropped the matter until the afternoon of Aug. 29 of this year when he saw Homestead walking along the road in front of his house. As he watched, Homestead spied Doubleheader’s dogs playing in the yard and veered sharply toward them. Then, spying Doubleheader on the porch behind, Homestead veered sharply back and kept on walking until he was out of sight. Doubleheader admitted he had nothing but suspicions to offer the officers, but he thought they were pretty good suspicions and asked that a report be filed in case one or more of his dogs turn up missing. Deputies documented Doubleheader’s doubts.