Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


BOLO for a Chevy Mobro 4000

BEAR CREEK CANYON ROAD — On the afternoon of Aug. 17, Mister and Missus were surprised and a little shocked to observe Guy and Gal pull up next to their house in a pickup truck and begin dumping a full load of empty cardboard boxes into their yard. “Hey, you can’t do that!” Missus advised the cheeky chuckers. Instead of arguing, Guy and Gal silently packed the trash back into their truck and headed off down the road. Understandably suspicious, Mister climbed into his car and followed the couple, and quickly located them a short distance away trying to figure out the latch on a neighbor’s trash bin. “That’s a private receptacle,” Mister advised the determined discarders. Guy and Gal amiably told Mister they’d mistaken the trash bin for a “community dumpster,” nodded good-day and drove away. Mister and Missus called JCSO to report the contemptible cardboard almost-caper, saying they didn’t want to file charges but did want the rubbish raiders on record.


Bring me two rolled-up newspapers

KITTREDGE — Rex was taking his ease at a local community park on the afternoon of Aug. 17, peacefully casting his fishing line into Bear Creek while his wife reclined on the grass with their dog, Spot. His serenity was rudely shattered, however, when Spot, possibly bored and hoping to liven things up, playfully leapt upon Rex, landing hard just below his master’s belt. Rex hollered out loud and gave Spot a disapproving boot. Taking her ease nearby, Princess saw the canine clouted and felt compelled to champion its cause, rushing over to admonish Rex for the injustice of his action and instruct him on acceptable methods of pet punishment. After listening politely, Rex felt compelled to tell Princess in the most unambiguous terms possible to stop sticking her cold, wet nose into business not her own. Having said his piece, Rex stalked off to cool down, and Princess dialed 911, staying on the phone with dispatch in order to keep JCSO apprised of Rex’s movements from moment to moment until deputies arrived. After speaking with a reliable third-party witness, officers determined that the only crime committed that day was against the tranquility of an otherwise lovely summer afternoon in the park. While heinous, lovely afternoon assault is not technically illegal, and deputies left without sending anybody to the doghouse.



The Darkening

CONIFER — Dropping by his Pleasant Park Road digs for a bite of lunch on Aug. 14, Tenant was outraged to find himself off the grid. It wasn’t the first time he’d been unplugged, Tenant complaint to a JCSO deputy, and leaving him in the dark appeared to be his landlord’s preferred tactic in their ongoing power struggle. For his part, Landlord denied turning off Tenant’s juice but freely admitted wishing the refractory renter would just go away. Tenant is slow to pay his rent, explained Landlord, and he’d already begun the eviction process, meaning that one of these days the deputy might very well be dispatched to escort Tenant off the premises by court order. Confronted with competing stories, the officer sized up Tenant’s electrical box, which was attached to a pole high atop a steep, loose, 10-foot embankment. He then sized up the cane gripped in Landlord’s hand and his 3-week-old titanium knee, and deduced that if somebody was flipping Tenant’s switch, it almost certainly wasn’t Landlord. The deputy cleared the case pending further illumination.


The Enlightenment

CONIFER — About suppertime on Aug. 14, Landlord informed JCSO that he was armed and barricaded inside his Keuhster Road home, and expecting an attack from Tenant at any moment. Deputies rushed to the scene and found Tenant parked on the road in front of Landlord’s house. Tenant recounted for officers an earlier lunchtime conversation with JCSO personnel regarding repeated and possibly deliberate power failures at his Pleasant Park Road rental. Tenant said he’d come to Landlord’s house that evening to hash out their differences, but Landlord refused to come out and negotiate. Landlord told deputies that he’d been alarmed to see Tenant pull up at his residence, and while he wasn’t able to make out exactly what Tenant had been yelling to him, he was pretty sure it was black and violent threats. Confronted with completing stories, officers chatted up a neighbor who’d witnessed the entire exchange. Neighbor said that although Tenant had employed strong language in his shouted address toward Landlord, he hadn’t said anything particularly menacing. Deputies advised Landlord and Tenant that their dispute was a civil matter, and suggested that reciprocal restraining orders could be just the ticket for keeping them out of each other's respective hair pending a judicial resolution.