Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


Water nymph nixes official assist

BEAR CREEK CANYON — It’s long been his habit to refresh himself in the creek every day of summer at the same inviting swimming hole. Beginning on July 15, he found himself dipping in the company of an unoccupied black pickup truck parked near his sweet spot, and as the days rolled by and the truck did not, he presumed it abandoned. It wasn’t until July 21 that Vigilant found reason to fear a more sinister explanation. During a quiet moment, he heard a woman’s distant call of “Help!” coming from the hillside above and assumed it was the truck’s luckless owner in distress. Deputies quickly contacted the pickup’s owner, who said she was only mildly distressed, having broken the key off in the ignition on July 14 and being as yet unable to devise a cheap way to get the vehicle back home for repairs. When a group of hikers reported hearing the same plaintive pleas, Alpine Rescue was enlisted to search the area. As it happened, while rescuers were combing the canyon, just up the road a soaking-wet woman flagged down a pair of passers-by and requested a ride to the Genesee area. On the way she was driven directly past the searchers’ command center, but the couple didn’t stop because the moistened maiden “didn’t want any contact with law enforcement.” It was only after the dripping damsel bolted the vehicle in Genesee and “ran away” that the couple notified JCSO of their experience. The search was called off, and peace returned to the swimming hole.


One man’s trash … is still trash

EVERGREEN — The Evergreen Parkway business manager was getting tired of strangers using her commercial trash receptacle for private pitching. It wasn’t until the morning of July 17, when she arrived at work to find the disarticulated remnants of a shabby old couch jumbled next to the bin, that she decided it was time somebody disposed of the problem once and for all. According to her report, freeloaders unknown have been dumping broken furniture and household garbage behind her shop for the better part of two years, but the pace has recently increased to about two deliveries a month, which is at least one more than she’ll abide. The deposits are always made at night or on weekends when the business is closed, and the security cameras covering the trash area aren’t of sufficient quality to capture license plates. Deputies spoke with the manager of an adjacent business, who said his own receptacle was also suffering a marked increase in illicit dumping. Officers hoped to head off future clandestine consignments with a month’s worth of extra patrols.



CONIFER — Whilst rambling about his Emerald Lane property on the afternoon of July 19, the homeowner was alarmed to perceive the butt-end of an explosive 120mm artillery shell peeking out of his piece of the Good Earth. He summoned a deputy, who summoned a bomb guy, who gingerly probed the ominous ordnance to determine the mettle of its menace. Turns out the shell was exactly that — the casing had been cut off about 2 inches above the base, creating a hollow, shallow bowl that might make a very serviceable nut tray, but a decidedly worthless weapon. After satisfying themselves that no trace of explosive or propellant remained, the officers offered to remove the object to JCSO’s burn bin. On reflection, the relieved homeowner opted to keep the cropped cartridge, perhaps to use as a nut tray.


A parable for our times

FOXTON — Scouting the mighty South Platte for a likely spot to drop his kayak, on the afternoon of July 21 the good Samaritan noticed a fellow enthusiast in the water struggling with an overturned craft. Heaving-to in the “T” parking lot at South Foxton Road and West Platte River Road, he scrambled down the bank and rendered assistance. Having done right by his conscience, his sport and his Fellow Man, he climbed back to the parking lot to discover he’d been done wrong. In the brief interval required to assist the sinking stranger, dirty rats unknown had cadged Samaritan’s kayak off the roof of his Toyota Sequoia. Although there are no suspects and no obvious leads, deputies promised to be on the lookout for a 9-foot lime-green Liquid Logic Stomper 90 kayak with Samaritan’s name and phone number clearly visible on the side of its fiberglass bulkhead.