Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


Theft by de-sign

EVERGREEN – On the morning of July 9, workers at the Jeffco Road and Bridge facility on Lewis Ridge Road called JCSO to report signs of trouble in El Pinal. According to their report, two orange plastic “BUMP” signs that had spent the previous week diligently warning motorists of bad road ahead had been removed from the route by unauthorized personnel. Whether out of sympathy, sloppiness or sloth, the thieves left the signs’ metal stands untouched and on duty. With no signs of suspects, the deputies were resigned to being reassigned.


Teen scene turns mean

EVERGREEN – Awakened from sweet sleep at about 2 a.m. on July 11 by the persistent ringing of her doorbell, Island Drive peered outside to see a small mob of adolescents in her yard and a stand-up basketball hoop lying prone on the front stoop. She immediately called 911 and battened down the hatches, and deputies arrived just in time to see the pack of puckish punks scatter to the four winds. Further investigation revealed two planter boxes turned turtle, a pulverized porcelain flower pot, a hearty meal’s-worth of post-digested Purina spread about the porch, and a pair of red men’s boxers looped through the front door handle. Officers were unable to track down any part of the wrecking crew, and since Island Drive only saw the faces of her tormentors by the dim, flickering light cast by the cell phones in their hands, she couldn’t offer much in the way of descriptions. Although she couldn’t think of anybody who might have cause to shamble-ize her shrub-shrouded chateau, Ms. Drive promised to let deputies know if she heard anything through the neighborhood grapevine.

Snoops dogged

CONIFER – Uncle Scrooge thought he knew trouble when he saw it. Three dubious characters were “snooping around” in the vicinity of Whitehawk Trail, he told JCSO dispatch, and he needed a badge to slap a collar on them. Deputies quickly located Huey, Dewey and Louie lounging next to their pickup truck right were Uncle Scrooge said they would be. Huey explained that they’d been in the Deckers area on other business, and he’d taken a mind to show Dewey and Louie a “shed” he’d built for his friend, Donald. As it happened, Whitehawk Trail turned out to be more than his truck could stomach with three strapping snoopers aboard, so they’d parked and had just started walking the last lap when Uncle Scrooge appeared before them like sweaty vengeance and told them to take a hike. Officers confirmed that there was a shed where Huey had indicated, and that said shed appeared intact and unrifled. Uncle Scrooge confirmed that Donald owned a spread in those parts, and it was remotely possible he could be acquainted with Huey. Deputies decided the flap was unfounded.


A copper-clipping caper

PINE JUNCTION – Sometime between sunset on July 8 and the dawn of July 9, illicit miners stealthily extracted a small cache of copper from the power company storage lot on U.S. 285. Deputies examining the scene first noted two gaping holes cut through the chain-link fence surrounding a battery of high-voltage electrical transformers. Of the even dozen transformers stored at the site, eight had been stripped of their small copper exterior plates, and all had been robbed of short sections of exposed copper wire. While the carat-weight of the theft was light, the inconvenience was heavy, indeed, and when figured together with several similar incidents previously perpetrated at the facility, costs were starting to get burdensome. Officers scheduled extra patrols of the property and suggested a surveillance system might help catch the copper crooks.