Sheriff's Calls

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An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


At the O.K. Corral

INDIAN HILLS — Had it been a Western-style shout-out, they both would have lost. On the evening of May 29, Belle and Bess simultaneously drew their cell phones and called JCSO, each to accuse the other of assault. According to Belle, Bess had accused her of feeding the horses too much hay and called the stable manager to rat her out. Riled by the accusation, Belle had accused Bess of “always lying” and called her a “(plucky witch).” Bess had growled at Belle to “get out of my way,” then personally helped her out of the way, causing two small abrasions on Belle’s thumb. Bess told deputies a similar story with a couple of key differences. Bess said that Belle had been overfeeding the horses, and when she tried to report it to the stable manager, Belle had made a grab for the phone: “I’m being assaulted!” Bess had yelled over the open line, just before Belle wrested it from her grasp and threw it to the ground. Officers pointed out to Belle that her scratches were consistent with seizing a cell phone. Belle pointed out to officers that Bess is a terrible person that nobody likes. Bess pointed out that Belle is a serial over-hayer. Deputies pointed out to both gals that since it was impossible to determine who was the aggressor, they’d be within their authority to arrest them both and let a justice o’ the peace sort it out in court. Facing mutually assured destruction, Belle and Bess both decided to hold their fire, and no charges were filed


Enough is enough

EVERGREEN — On the morning of May 30, Peggy Lane called JCSO to report a suspicious character in the neighborhood. She’d been driving home a short while before, she explained to deputies, when she’d noticed a lone white male sitting in a lone white Jeep parked on the street near her house. Her Spidey-sense a-tingle, she’d circled around the block to get a better bead on the fishy fellow, then slowed down and hailed him. “Can I help you?” she asked, helpfully. “No, you can’t help me,” was his terse resply. That was enough for Peggy, who called the cops, who quickly caught up with the laconic loiterer, who turned out to be a home appraiser at work. That was enough for the deputies, who appraised the case as groundless.



A work in progress

CONIFER — Fawn hired Buck to do a little remodeling on her Kings Valley habitat. Three months later — a full month beyond the promised completion date — Fawn told Buck she wasn’t satisfied with his work and asked him when he thought he might actually finish the job. Sorry to hear that Fawn was dissatisfied, Buck told Fawn he wasn’t going to finish it at all and washed his hands of the project. On May 31, Fawn called JCSO to report her belief that Buck had taken more than his tools when he bailed out. According to her statement, Buck had his own key to the residence and she’d noticed several items missing since he left. What’s more, she said, a neighbor had witnessed Buck removing items from the home. Deputies spoke to the neighbor, who said he’d seen Buck leaving the premises carrying a large duffle bag, but couldn’t say what was in it. Deputies spoke to Buck, who said he didn’t take anything away that didn’t belong to him, and further said that Fawn’s house has been lousy with contractors lately and maybe they should be speaking to one of them. Lacking solid evidence of theft, officers could give Fawn’s case no solid completion date.


The trouble with tumbleweeds

PINE — Paul Pureheart invited a “transient” couple and their pet Chihuahua to bunk at his place for a while. They hadn’t been staying there long when Paul was arrested on an unrelated matter and hauled off to jail. Hearing of her brother’s misfortune and not willing to let his footloose guests rule his roost, Paula Pureheart offered the unsupervised tenants a non-negotiable choice — a free ride to the nearest Park-n-Ride or a free ride in a JCSO paddy wagon. They were willing to see reason, and Paula dropped them off at the bus stop, which might have been the end of the episode, but wasn’t. When Paula dropped by Paul’s house on May 31 to water the plants, she noticed that a gold watch and two non-culinary knives were missing from their customary place in Paul’s living room, as was a “cat blanket” and the ounce of “medical marijuana” that had been in Paula’s vehicle when she drove the couple to the Park-n-Ride. Paula said she didn’t want to press charges; she just wanted the goods back. Interviewed in the Jeffco lockup, Paul said he couldn’t remember the “hitchhikers” names on account of he’d been drunk for the duration of their brief association, but said that if they gave his stuff back, he wouldn’t press charges, either. Deputies tracked the dubious duo to the Chief Hosa Campground, where they’d been at the center of a disturbance, but the trail went cold from there.