Don’t look now
SOUTH TURKEY CREEK — Summoned to the Hilldale area about midnight on March 29, the deputy found a worried woman with the following tale to tell: With the hubby and the rugrats away for the weekend, Worried was home alone enjoying some rare alone-time when a security light in the front yard flashed on. Assuming restless wildlife had triggered the torch, she was going to shine it on until the dog started going all Cujo, which is when she looked outside to see a pickup truck parked at the end of her driveway and a man walking a large-ish golden retriever toward her house. As Worried watched worriedly, the stranger approached her Jeep Grand Cherokee, gave it a good looking over, then retreated whence he came and drove away in the pickup. Worried feared the mysterious man had read her license plate for nefarious reasons, although she couldn’t imagine what those might be. Also at a loss to explain the incident, the deputy declined to speculate in his report.
EVERGREEN — On the evening of March 26, Cab Calloway was warned by a fellow taxi driver not to pick up a certain hyper-thrifty fare named Fergus who was prone to stiffing drivers. On the evening of March 27, Cab picked up Fergus at a Central City casino and started driving him to a Denver hotel. Fergus suddenly changed his mind and requested delivery to a Lakewood address so he could “check on his cat.” Approaching El Rancho, Fergus again changed his mind, asking to be deposited at an El Rancho hotel. Once there, Fergus said he would go up to the room he was supposedly booked into and fetch the fare. When he failed to return after a good 20 minutes, Cab went inside and found Fergus hiding in a bathroom. A quick check with the front desk revealed that Fergus was not booked into that hotel, and Cab called the cops. Finding the men’s room empty, deputies checked the ladies’ room, where they found Fergus cowering in a stall. “I was taking a nap,” explained Fergus. Asked why he was napping instead of paying for his cab ride, Fergus said he wasn’t in any hurry because he wouldn’t have any cash until “the bank opens at 7 a.m.” The deputies told Fergus that not paying for a cab ride is theft. Fergus told deputies he knew that already because he’s currently facing several counts of it. He would not face another one that night, however. Cab declined to press charges, telling officers he’d pay Fergus’s fare out of his own pocket, and requesting a few moments with which to “ask him to stop this pattern of behavior.” Fergus promised to stop that pattern of behavior. Deputies closed the case.
The kid’s got gumption
IDLEDALE — Forrest was hanging out with his no-count friends on a hillside overlooking Lair of the Bear Open Space Park on the afternoon of March 30 when his no-count friends dared him to throw a rock as far as the parking lot below. Taking up their challenge, Forrest hefted a “lime-size” rock and sent it arcing through the clean mountain air. Bad luck for Forrest — it fell directly on the hood of a red Toyota pickup truck. Worse luck for Forrest, its owner was standing nearby. Terrible luck for Forrest, its owner was an off-duty Lakewood cop. While his no-count friends fled in selfish panic, Forrest turned himself over to Lakewood, who called JCSO. While waiting for deputies to respond, Forrest and Lakewood fell into conversation. Forrest explained that he didn’t think he could actually throw a rock that far. He also said he was scheduled to muster in to military service in May and feared criminal mischief charges could nix the plan. Moved to sympathy, Lakewood told arriving deputies he wouldn’t press charges if Forrest would make good on the hood. Deputies lectured Forrest on responsible behavior and promised to issue an arrest warrant if he tried to weasel out of the deal. Forrest promised to do the honorable thing. No charges were filed.