It’s a great conversation starter
EVERGREEN — Difficult economy notwithstanding, on the afternoon of Feb. 20 the Bergen Parkway clothier told JCSO she wanted the customer out of her store, and possibly clapped in irons. The man had reportedly been “talking about guns and drug use,” and arriving officers instantly encountered the surprisingly good-natured menace happily relaxing out front in his car. Originally a son of the Centennial State, he explained to officers, he’d been freezing his fanny in Illinois, lo’ these many years, and was excited to be moving back to sunny Colorado. As soon as he got settled, he’d be sending for his lovely fiancée, and hoped to greet her with a closet-full of fine foothills fashions. Apprised of accusations of bothersome banter and disreputable repartee, he cheerfully denied discussing drugs, and smilingly assured officers that even if he owned a gun — which he said he does not — he wouldn’t bring it up in mixed company. On the other hand, he admitted showing one of the store employees his knife, but only “after she asked about it.” As to the shaken shopkeeper, he feared she may have been put off by his rather strident manner of expression (the harmless result of encroaching deafness), and by his naturally “boisterous personality,” which was made even more effervescent by his joy at returning to his Rocky Mountain home. Deputies observed that “showing off his knife in public was probably not a good idea” and “counseled him on his interpersonal skills.”
EVERGREEN — Maddened by mysterious movements at her Meadow Drive manor, on the morning of Feb. 19 she was moved to act. For the last several months, she told deputies at JCSO’s mountain substation, things have been happening about the house without any help from her. At different times she has discovered the rocking chair in the living room shifted out of place, the pet ferret outside of its cage, the back door standing slightly ajar, and movies she didn’t select queued up on Netflix. She has also observed footprints in the backyard that appear to approach the house, although she has never noted any evidence of entry or anything missing from the premises. Although she had taken the extraordinary step of having her landlord change the locks, the distressing dislocations continue, and her two children have assured her they are as mystified as she. Deputies promised an extra patrol of her neighborhood.
CONIFER — ‘Twas a quiet Sunday night when Colleen observed a single car left alone and friendless in the Hibernian pizza parlor’s parking lot. When the same orphan auto was still there on Monday morning, the conscientious lass slapped a “tow-warning” tag on its windshield. That afternoon she got a call from Seamus, who said his vehicle had contracted a mild case of bog fever, but assured her he would have the ailing auto back to rights and out of her shimmering copper hair by Wednesday. As it happened, a penitent Seamus called Colleen again on Wednesday to say he was having trouble a-fixin’ the affliction and needed a stay of execution until Thursday. Colleen agreed, but warned that if his crate was still in her parking lot on Friday he’d be picking it up at the impound lot. Alas, the car was still there bright and early on Friday morning, and Colleen had it towed away. An angry Seamus called a few hours later, saying he’d come to fix the car that morning only to find it gone, and demanding to know why Colleen hadn’t given him until Friday afternoon as she’d agreed to do. Colleen said she’d never agreed to any such thing and hung up. Seamus called again to insist that she had. Colleen decided that two accusatory calls were one too many and called JCSO to report harassment. Colleen told deputies that Seamus hadn’t threatened her, used threatening language, or acted in any way threatening, but that she felt threatened. Seamus told deputies that the only thing he wanted from Colleen was the name of the company that put the bag on his blighted buggy. Officers concluded that no charges were warranted, and suggested that Seamus get whatever information he needed from the property manager.