USPS — a force for peace
BEAR CREEK CANYON — The call came in at precisedly 12:29 on Feb. 12 — a man had been “hit with an elbow and pushed.” Racing casually to the scene, deputies spoke to the victim, Fred. Fred said he recently rented his former house to Ricky and Lucy, and even more recently started eviction proceedings against them. In Golden that morning, and much to his disgust, a county magistrate had granted Ricky and Lucy two more months to vacate the premises. Outside the courtroom, Fred tried to give Ricky a bill for minor damages to the property, but Ricky wouldn’t take it from his hand. In no mood to be put off, he followed his troublesome tenants back to the residence and again tried to make Ricky accept the bill, which is when, according to Fred, Ricky hit him with his elbow and pushed him. Contacted at their disputed place of residence, Ricky and Lucy said that Fred had showed up madder than hops, and, when Ricky again refused the bill and turned to walk away, he grabbed him and spun him around. If Fred had been elbowed or pushed, they said, it had been an unavoidable consequence of Ricky breaking free of his grasp. Officers told Fred that no charges were in order, and wondered aloud why he didn’t just mail the bill and avoid all the hassles. Fred said it was his right to hand-deliver it, and anyway he didn’t want to wait the “two days or so” that mail service could require. Ricky said he’d pay the bill the moment it arrived in the mail. Deputies advised Fred to mail it.
The ring of truth
EVERGREEN — A Meadow Drive merchant called JCSO on Feb. 16 to report a theft. According to the businessman’s report, a month earlier the property management hired a contractor to replace some ceiling lights in his unit, during which procedure one of the two assigned workmen expressed a fondness for a striking silver ring mounted with a finger-length, multi-hued stone. A few days later he noticed the ring missing and the upper-level door the contractors had used to enter the building unlocked. Fact is, he told deputies, while it had occurred to him that the workmen would make legitimate suspects, he wasn’t even going to report the incident to police because he had no proof, and because such losses are just part of doing business. He did mention it to selected others, by which route it got back to the man who owns the contracting company, who insisted the incident be investigated and documented. During the course of the investigation the merchant testified that he didn’t really have any idea who took the ring. The two workmen who replaced his lights staunchly denied any knowledge of its whereabouts. Their boss stood by his workers as honorable men. The deputies documented their findings.
Thanks for listening
CONIFER — Jack and Jackie have been renting a house on Pleasant Park Road. Jackie’s sister, Jill, came all the way from California to live with them. They quickly found out that homes on Pleasant Park Road can take a bit of heating in winter, but local Samaritans were happy to supply the shivering threesome with a stack of comfort-rich firewood at no charge. Alas, no amount of combustible contributions could warm the chill that Jack and Jackie felt toward their momentary mountain manse. They moved into a Denver motel and started exploring ways to get out of their lease. Left alone on Pleasant Park Road, Jill re-donated a portion of the donated wood to a neighbor named Joe and escaped back to the Golden State. Dropping by to pick up some belongings on Feb. 15, Jackie noticed the pile of free firewood slightly depleted and immediately called the cops. Truth is, she admitted to deputies, she had no idea how much of the missing wood was burned by Jill and how much had been re-donated. For that matter, Jackie didn’t really know why she called the cops, other than to say she “just wanted out” of her rental agreement and desperately needed to “get away” from the mountains and “be done” living in the area. Officers suggested that since Jackie couldn’t confirm that a theft had occurred, perhaps she’d like to try the department’s popular “documentation” package, whereby officers make a report of the case — and her many dissatisfactions — but nobody has to follow up. Jackie ordered one of those and hanged up a satisfied JCSO customer.
Winter driving ain’t no pic-a-nic
CONIFER — On the afternoon of Feb. 12, heating technicians Yogi and Boo-Boo were dispatched to Critchell Lane, where a boiler was reportedly on the fritz. Unfortunately, their company van wasn’t designed for Critchell’s steep, narrow, ice-covered treacheries, and after “about a quarter of a mile” they knew they’d been licked. Unable to turn around, they’d just begun backing down toward Pleasant Park Road when a Toyota Tundra appeared in front of them, traveling fast. Unable to stop in time, the Tundra veered into the ditch, but was able, by sheer momentum, to climb back onto the road behind the lumbering van. The Tundra driver, Mr. Granger, got out and viciously castigated Yogi and Boo-Boo for bringing such a vehicle onto such a road, then climbed back into his SUV and continued on his not-so-merry way. The tradesmen reported the encounter to JCSO, who called Mr. Granger to see if he had anything to add. Granger admitted that his actions “were not appropriate", but said he’d been “in a bad mood already,” and that about a year ago his wife had run onto another ungainly work truck and “totaled my $50,000 BMW.” Because Yogi wasn’t interested in pressing charges, deputies didn’t file any.