Sheriff's Calls

-A A +A

An Offbeat Look at Area Crime


Three’s a crowd

EVERGREEN — Chrissy invited Jack and Janet to move into her South Oxbow Road residence and help her with the rent. Long about Dec. 7, however, Jack had had enough of Chrissy’s frivolous ways and started packing his stuff. Seeing a third of her rent payment getting ready to walk out the door, Chrissy snatched Janet’s new laptop computer and refused to return it until she paid her share for the month. Called to the scene, deputies informed Chrissy that because Janet was bound by no lease, her stuff couldn’t legally be held hostage. Chrissy handed the laptop to Janet, who immediately noticed the unit’s battery had been removed and was, in fact, so horribly mangled it wouldn’t fit back into the computer. “It’s their word against mine,” yelled Chrissy, seeing which way the wind was blowing. Officers pointed out that two words against one were sufficient for a criminal mischief summons. “Fine,” Chrissy pouted. Janet left too, of course, leaving Chrissy with no company at all.

Data dump

EVERGREEN — About 7:30 a.m. Dec. 8, a keen-eyed deputy watched as a car came to a screeching stop on Evergreen Parkway at Lewis Ridge Road, then pulled over to the shoulder. The officer contacted the parked driver, who explained that he’d seen an iPad fall off the roof of the vehicle ahead of him and stopped to retrieve it. The deputy offered to take charge of the unlucky gadget, which was just fine with the finder, who told the officer to be on the lookout for an SUV with one ski on the roof. The deputy was unable to locate the doodad’s rightful owner and booked it into the mountain precinct evidence vault.


Kreekside kaper kase turns kold

EVERGREEN — Sometime during the early morning hours of Dec. 4, vandals unknown spray-painted the cryptic rune “KRASH” and what appeared to be a crown on the Bear Creek-side wall of a Main Street salon. There are no suspects in the case, although there is a happy trove of surveillance footage, which the seething stylist submitted to JCSO for review.


Hew and cry

CONIFER — Forrest and Holly own 80 acres of woody wilderness on South Warhawk Road. On the morning of Dec. 8 they bestirred themselves to conduct an informal survey of their little fief, only to discover that the plots had been plucked. At least twice during the previous two weeks, lumberjacks unknown had driven a large vehicle around the entrance gate and into the heart of the property, where they chopped down some 50 pine trees. Of all the prone Ponderosas, none measured over 8 feet from root to crown, and some 20 had already been hauled away. According to Forrest’s report to JCSO, the logger he’d hired to perform fire mitigation work on the land had no hand in the hewing, leading him to believe that somebody was harvesting his and Holly’s hinterland habitat to support an uncommonly profitable Christmas tree concern. Deputies logged his report and boughed out.


Brothers up in arms

SOUTH TURKEY CREEK — Brother Ray lives in a downstairs room inside the house. Brother Jay lives in a cabin on the property. On the morning of Dec. 4, Brother Jay came in the house to take a shower, a routine activity that spontaneously flared into fisticuffs. Deputies were summoned. Brother Jay said Brother Ray is “jealous of me” and had become irrationally angry over his use of the shower, which started the fight. Brother Ray said Brother Jay had “started to antagonize my dog” and continued to provoke him by “saying things about my dog” because, if deputies wanted to know the truth, Brother Jay has always “hated my dog,” which unreasoning hatred was the real cause of the fight. Since neither brother could be pegged as the primary aggressor, and since neither would press charges against the other, officers documented the incident and vamoosed.