Sheriff's Calls

He’d blend in better against a red plaid tree

EVERGREEN — An alert school bus driver’s afternoon deliveries took a left turn on Oct. 24 at the intersection of Camelback Lane and Keystone Drive. According to the driver’s statement to JCSO, he was approaching that location about 3:45 p.m. when he chanced to spy a middle-aged fellow with spiky blond hair, sunglasses and a red plaid jacket “hugging a tree.” While a healthy love of nature is to be commended, it was the driver’s opinion that the arboreal embrace had less to do with conservation than with concealment, because the man continually adjusted his position to get maximum cover relative to the bus. At his next stop, the driver remained on post until all of his fares were safe at home before reporting the situation to authorities. Deputies scouted the neighborhood, but the lumber-loving lurker had already broken it off with his piney paramour and moved on.

From the caste files

EVERGREEN — After dipping her fluke in the Buchanan Recreation Center pool on the morning of Oct. 25, Ariel suddenly found herself high and dry. Somebody, she told JCSO deputies, had stolen all of the cash and a prized iPhone 4S out of her dressing-room locker. While the locker hadn’t been locked, the missing items had been stowed out of sight in a gray and black case. The deputies promised to let Ariel know if they hook any leads.

That’s about the size of it

PINE — On the evening of Oct. 23, Pixie sees Bruiser’s great big dog in his yard. Concerned for the safety of his extra-small dog, Pixie steps outside and tells Bruiser’s boy to take the great big dog home before he shoots it. Bruiser’s boy runs and tells his dad what Pixie said. Bruiser marches down to Pixie’s house and demands a retraction, an apology, and a pledge of future good behavior. Pixie tells Bruiser to take a flying leap at the moon and restates his intention to shoot Bruiser’s great big dog as circumstances warrant. Bruiser dials 911, and deputies are dispatched to Pixie’s house. Pixie tells deputies that Bruiser’s great big dog has threatened his extra-small dog in the past, and that one of these days he might very well have to shoot it to protect his extra-little dog. Officers tell Pixie to stay away from Bruiser and call JCSO if there’s any more trouble. They next apprise Bruiser of that resolution, prompting Bruiser to remark that his great big dog is a roving soul, and that if he’s “dumb enough to go down there and be shot, then he deserves it.” Officers tell Bruiser to stay away from Pixie and call JCSO if there’s any more trouble.

Wheeler-stealers

TINY TOWN — Returning to the Twin Forks Park-and-Ride on the afternoon of Oct. 27, Pam Parker couldn’t help noticing that her Jeep appeared less tired than it had in the morning. Not merely well rested, the 2006 Liberty had been freed of the rugged Goodyear Wrangler P235/70/R16 road-ware that had been bolted to its rear hatch. The thieves removed two of the screws securing it to the vehicle and snapped off the third, leaving Parker with no tire to spare. A deputy photographed the Goodyear-less gate and will proceed as evidence allows.